


Hope in the Story

by A_leeks



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Loneliness, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-08-03 12:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_leeks/pseuds/A_leeks
Summary: [Hawk] ( Kk hear me out here )[Hawk] ( I just looted this very good sword for berserkers and the only berserker I know is my bro )[Hawk] ( I REALLY don’t want to give it to him and if he knows I looted it I’ll feel obligated to give him )[Hawk] ( my brother is a bit of a dick )[Hawk] ( save me and take the sword pls thank you! )Hawk wants to trade with you. Accept?-In which Fenris is a very lonely young man with trust issues and one odd sorcerer on his screen manages to phase through all of his walls as if they never existed at all. One odd sorcerer who is already dating someone else. One odd sorcerer who is completely out of his league.But just the friendship isfine, really.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for what feels like forever!  
> I wrote most of it two years ago, and then didn't touch it for a while. I have ten chapters written down for now, and I thought I should publish it just to force me to finish it ('cause then I'd feel I have a responsability to readers and pressure makes me work harder lmao)
> 
> So, I have a lot planned for this! I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it ^^

It’s the middle of afternoon and the sky is a deep grey, darkening the streets and tricking everyone into thinking the night is falling soon. Fenris hates this weather. The air is damp and the tile is wet under his feet, a soft breeze blows through his hair and he shivers, tenses his shoulders and shrinks his head into them to try to protect his uncovered neck. He really should invest in a scarf one of these days. In a better, warmer pair of shoes too; he thinks as he glares down at his worn sneakers.

He reaches his apartment block, his feet almost frozen solid and goosebumps covering his arms; and climbs up the metallic stairs leading to the first floor. He shuffles his grocery bag on his arm, grabs his keys and unlocks his door, sighing softly at the satisfying warmth as he enters his flat.

He shrugs off his shoes and immediately goes to empty his grocery bag on his table. He doesn’t bother to sort through them and just rolls the bag into a ball and throws it in the bin. His flat is a bit of a mess. And, okay, ‘a bit’ may be an understatement but it isn’t what he’d call a dump yet. He could only afford a really small studio and it didn’t bother him at first, but as the years went on he amassed a lot of crap and he is now starting to feel a little cramped. Although it isn’t like he can afford anything bigger, with the lousy jobs he gets stuck with.  
He sighs again and plops himself down on his bed, dragging his laptop on his lap and turning it on. The thing is pretty old and not in the best state, the touchpad doesn’t work and the F key is missing, but Fenris is quite fond of it anyway. His first computer, and most of all the machine that managed to salvage a bit of his disastrous social life. Not that it is any less disastrous, but at least the computer and the lousy-but-free wifi he gets from his neighbor permits him to interact with people.

People he doesn’t know and that he never talks to more than twice but hey, it is something.

Fenris stretches to reach for his phone while the starting screen loads – It always takes forever. He unlocks the screen and raises his eyebrows at the notification of a new message. It’s Anso.

 

> _Hey kid! How are you doing these days? Haven’t heard from you for some time,_ _I’m doing pretty good on my end._
> 
> _I finally quit my job! I’m done with the shameless exploitation. And let me tell you, even if money is scarce and job hunting is as horrible as I remember, I don’t think I’ve been this happy in years! I’ve been picking up a lot of hitchhikers lately, none quite as gloomy as you hah! But it feels nice to help people when I can too._
> 
> _Last I heard you’d just gotten a job, hope it’s treating you better than me? Keep me updated, I’m always happy to hear you haven’t died in a ditch somewhere!_

 

Fenris snorts and starts typing a reply. Anso is the driver who stopped in the middle of the road for him three years ago, even though he wasn’t even holding his thumb out. Fenris was quite a mess back then and when he opened his passenger door, Anso probably immediately saw it, what with the way Fenris remembers clear as day how the man’s expression had fallen mid-sentence when he took in his appearance. Anso drove him to Kirkwall, since Fenris didn’t have a destination in mind, casually rambling about his life and complaining a lot about his job during the journey. Fenris asked him why he didn’t quit in a rough and quiet voice and that was one of the only things he said for the whole three hours they spent together. When they arrived, Anso left him his number, asking him to call whenever he needed. Back then Fenris didn’t even have a phone, but didn’t dare tell Anso.

The man was almost the sole reason he bought a phone in the first place.

Fenris finishes typing his reply – nothing really exciting to say – and turns back to his computer. He is bored, and automatically goes to click on Dragon Age’s icon. The game takes forever to load, as always. It is a free online game he stumbled upon, apparently very popular, and he thought _why not_ and installed it. It turned out pretty decent, and pretty addictive; new patches come out often and the free parts are pretty enjoyable so far. Of course, you have to pay a monthly fee if you want to go any further and start leveling up over 20 but Fenris has just started and doesn’t have any intention to pay. The moment he’ll reach level 20, he’ll probably drop the game. Or create another character. He likes his berserker but the ghostly warrior looks pretty badass too.

He spawns in front of the dungeon he’s been wanting to complete. He doesn’t have friends to group up with, but that’s only because he doesn’t speak to anyone. The general chat is always swarming with group requests anyway, and he only has to type _lvl8 berserker available for dock’s underground_ for a group request to pop up on his screen mere seconds later.

He accepts and the group leader lays out his strategy without wasting a moment and they breeze through the dungeon’s enemy templars and mages easily, and also in complete silence. Fenris contemplates saying something once or twice, just to break the ice, but he types very slowly and it would only cripple the group if he stayed idle during a fight. So he just rolls with it, still secretly hoping someone would say something. He wouldn’t be against making some friends, actually.

But they beat the boss in silence too, share the loot and part ways with little more than a _thx and bye everyone_. Fenris doesn’t even have the time to type out a reply before the group is disbanded.  
He didn’t even get much apart from some coins. A bit disappointing.

He sighs and sets his laptop beside him to get up and pour himself a glass of water. His eyes fall on a box of tea Anso sent him through the mail a year ago, claiming that this brand was divine. Fenris hasn’t even touched it since. He picks it up and sets his glass in the microwave, reading the labels and instructions. Lychee tea, apparently. Anso has peculiar tastes, but Fenris thinks about the man’s message to him, feeling a little angry at himself for the very curt reply he sent. He decides to try Anso’s tea and write to him about it, it’s the least he can do.

He watches the glass of water spin in circles in the microwave as it hums. He really wants to try harder with people. Lately he’s been acutely aware of how lonely he feels. But it’s hard, building a social life on nothing. He doesn’t have friends, doesn’t have coworkers – the joys of night shifts – hasn’t bothered to get in contact with his family since…

The microwave beeps. He takes out the glass and infuses the tea in it, waits the right number of minutes and takes it out before going back to his bed and picking up his computer again.  
His berserker is now sitting on the ground, _Idle_ written in italics next to his name. He taps the spacebar to get rid of the status, and blows on his tea. A group of five appears right next to him, having also just finished the dungeon. Fenris idly watches them as he sips his tea – Anso is right, it is pretty good – two of them disappearing suddenly in quick succession, disconnecting. He finds some comfort in thinking that these people are probably not friends either.

Another one of them disconnects, only the sorcerer and the pirate remain for a few seconds before the pirate starts running off somewhere. Fenris doesn’t move and just keeps sipping at his tea, observing the sorcerer that is now jumping up and down.

Fenris hated the sorcerer the moment he saw him on the character choosing screen. The avatar for the class is a man with a ridiculous pointy hat, a wicked smile and a grey goatee; smugly holding a fireball in his hand. He knows it is ridiculous, but he doesn’t trust players who choose that class. Who would choose a man whose attitude screamed _I’m so much better than all of you_ as their avatar? Not any nice and friendly person, that’s for sure.

And now the sorcerer stops jumping and turns to him.

_Hawk wants to trade with you. Accept?_

Fenris groans and puts his glass down before hitting _decline_. He’s gotten an unbelievable number of trade requests since he started playing, it was usually some smartass trying to trick him into trading coins for nothing.

But then a speech bubble appears above the sorcerer’s head.

_[Hawk] ( Kk hear me out here )_

Fenris stares at the screen and waits. Another speech bubble comes up to replace the other.

_[Hawk] ( I just looted this very good sword for berserkers and the only berserker I know is my bro )_

He moves his fingers to his keyboard, starts typing _so what_ but another bubble follows.

 _[Hawk] ( I REALLY don’t want to give it to him and if he knows I looted it I’ll feel obligated to give him )_  
_[Hawk] ( my brother is a bit of a dick )_  
_[Hawk] ( save me and take the sword pls thank you! )_

_Hawk wants to trade with you. Accept?_

Fenris snorts and hesitates for a second before clicking _accept_. What a weird request, trading a good sword to a stranger just to spite his – her? – brother. But he didn’t get anything worthy during his run in the dungeon so, he isn’t about to ruin this chance.

The trade window pops up and immediately the sorcerer adds an item and locks the trade before Fenris has the time to put anything in exchange.

_Accept the trade: item: 1x Blade of Mercy for item: none?_

Fenris blinks and frowns, surely the sorcerer expected something in return? He clicks _cancel_ and starts typing. His speed is still as bad as ever and of course the sorcerer’s speech bubble pops up while he’s not even halfway into his sentence.

_[Hawk] ( Huh? It got cancelled… )_

_Hawk wants to trade with you. Accept?_

Fenris groans in annoyance and ignores the request, focuses instead on finishing his sentence. The trade request runs out as he hits enter.

 _[Ghost] ( You didn’t let me give anything in return, I have some coins if you want. I cancelled it. )_  
_[Hawk] ( Haha! You’re so polite )_  
_[Hawk] ( I don’t want anything )_  
_[Hawk] ( just the sweet satisfaction of knowing my bro will never get the blade of mercy ;) )_

The conversation is almost embarrassingly public and of course ends up attracting attention. Fenris is in the middle of typing again as he sees another berserker run up to ‘Hawk’ and stop right in front of him, no doubt asking to trade. Fenris sighs in defeat, hating his sense of moral and fairness just a little. He shouldn’t have cancelled that trade.

 _[Hawk] ( Sorry buddy, but between the silent treatment and the sweet politeness my choice is made )_  
_[Hawk] ( K Ghost what do you say? )_  
_[Hawk] ( you interested? )_

Oh well. Fenris smiles and starts typing, suddenly loving his sense of moral and fairness.

 _[Hawk] ( It IS a sweet deal )_  
_[Destroyer76] ( I give u 500 coins 4 the blade )_  
_[Hawk] ( Sweet politeness is worth at least 5k buddy )_  
_[Destroyer76] ( I give u 600 coins plz plz plz )_

Fenris curses his slowness as he watches the conversation unfold. He suddenly really wants that blade dammit.

 _[Destroyer76] ( I’m rly polite 2!! )_  
_[Destroyer76] ( plz plz plz )_  
_[Hawk] ( Aw man )_  
_[Hawk] ( Ghost you afk? )_

“Fuck this…” Fenris groans as he deletes everything he wrote to replace it by a quick:

 _[Ghost] ( No )_  
_[Hawk] ( well you’re interested or not? )_

Frustrated, he tries really hard to type as fast as he can.

 _[Destroyer76] ( hes clearly not )_  
_[Destroyer76] ( cmon plz man I really want the blade!! )_  
_[Ghost] ( I type slow )_  
_[Ghost] ( sry )_  
_[Hawk] ( lol that’s so cute )_  
_[Ghost] ( yes I want it )_  
_[Hawk] ( alright! )_  
_[Hawk] ( sorry destroyer, but clearly you stand no chance against the polite slow typer )_

Fenris smiles in triumph as the trade request window pops up for the fourth time. He clicks _accept_ with smug satisfaction as he watches the other berserker walk off. It feels like winning a losing battle and it feels _great_. He really thought the sorcerer would trade with the other guy, with how long it took Fenris to answer. This is the reason he hates instant messaging. By the time he finishes his sentence the conversation topic shifted three times and it always forces him to stick to very curt answers, making him appear either unfriendly or stupid. He’s glad he didn’t come across as unfriendly to the sorcerer at least, even though he most probably came across as stupid. His mind keeps stuttering on the _‘that’s so cute’_ and he cringes. There was a very unflattering _‘lol’_ in that sentence too.

_Accept the trade: item: 1x Blade of Mercy for item: none?_

Fenris clicks accept once again and doesn’t allow himself to think twice about owing the man anything.

 _[Hawk] ( There! Now you can back me up when I’ll lie about never looting that damn sword )_  
_[Ghost] ( Thank you )_

He hates how the sorcerer typed a whole sentence with so many words in the time it took him to write two words.

 _[Hawk] ( Np! Thank YOU for being a great human being in this sea of indifference and greed ;) )_  
_[Hawk] ( always nice to come across people like you! )_

This is still so embarrassingly _public_. This ‘Hawk’ just doesn’t care about insulting the mass of players in general chat, it makes Fenris chuckle softly. These are also very nice compliments.  
He hesitates a moment before clicking on the sorcerer’s profile and hovers over the friend request button. Why not huh? Would it be weird? So, okay, the guy chose the sorcerer, but he gave him a really nice sword for free. And he makes great compliments. Heck…

He clicks the button.

_You sent a friend request to Hawk._

_You and Hawk are now friends._

_[Hawk] ( :D )_

The sorcerer’s bubble is now green, and Fenris suspects he’s the only one who can read it.

_[Hawk] ( I actually wanted to do just that but I wasn’t sure you’d accept lol )_

Fenris tries messing around with the messaging commands until he finds how to talk privately. Between that and his slowness for typing it takes an embarrassingly long moment to reply, but Hawk just starts jumping up and down and types:

 _[Hawk] ( take your time lol )_  
_[Ghost] ( you’re the first person I’ve had a conversation with since I started playing actually so yeah of course I’d accept )_  
_[Hawk] ( haha well if it takes you five minutes to answer a question then no wonder lol )_

Fenris grimaces, he doesn’t really like the mockery. _No wonder you chose the smug sorcerer_ he wants to type back.

_[Hawk] ( must actually be pretty frustrating huh? )_

Yes, Fenris wants to groan.

 _[Ghost] ( very )_  
_[Hawk] ( ever tried practicing? )_

The truth is, Fenris had never touched a computer until a year ago. At the time, he thought typing would come naturally, but oh how he was wrong. It is actually terribly crippling. Makes him look like an old man. He doesn’t want Hawk to think that, but he also doesn’t want to tell the truth, as it would inevitably rouse up questions. People his age usually started using computers at ten years old or something, not at twenty-six.

 _[Ghost] ( too lazy )_  
_[Hawk] ( lol well then )_  
_[Hawk] ( can’t complain! )_

Fenris feels his insides twist a little. He feels there are a lot of things he can complain about in his life, and never touching a computer before hitting twenty-six is one of them. Although he’s relieved and almost grateful the sorcerer doesn’t insist and easily drops the subject.

 _[Hawk] ( so I actually wanted to loot a staff in the dock’s underground, not the damn sword )_  
_[Hawk] ( I’m gonna head back in )_  
_[Hawk] ( I’m a friend in need Ghost )_  
_[Hawk] ( I’m high maintenance )_  
_[Hawk] ( don’t let me go alone )_  
_[Hawk] ( (waiting for your replies is actually super stressful lol) )_  
_[Hawk] ( (makes it look like you find me uncool and unfunny) )_  
_[Hawk] ( (I can feel you, silently judging me) )_

Fenris really wants to deny the _‘uncool’_ part but he’s already in the middle of another sentence and maybe he really should practice.

_[Ghost] ( It’s okay, I’ll help you with the dungeon, I’m level 9 now and I got a very nice blade ;) )_

Is the wink too much? He added it to convey how cool he thinks this dude – or chick? – is but he doesn’t want to come off as creepy. Especially if Hawk thinks he’s old. And even more so if Hawk turns out to be a woman. Maybe he should have just put a smiley face instead.

 _[Hawk] ( yeah you’re right, that’s a very nice blade )_  
_[Hawk] ( was it a gift? Because that’s a really cool gift )_  
_[Hawk] ( you should repay the giver by protecting his squishy ass in the dock’s underground )_

So his first impression was right, this is a guy.

 _[Ghost] ( sure )_  
_[Hawk] ( sweet )_  
_[Hawk] ( let’s go! )_

They clear the dungeon five times and by the end of it, Fenris is level 10 and in possession of three Blades of Mercy while Hawk keeps cursing the Heavens and leaves the dungeon staff-less.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I planned on posting 1 chap per week, but since I'm a bit of an air-head it's probably going to be once every week and a half if you count the days it'll take me to notice it's been a week already :'D
> 
> In any case, thank you very much for the support, I didn't expect so much enthousiasm haha!

For the whole next week, Fenris is almost in a cheerful mood. He finds himself playing Dragon Age a lot more often than usual and eagerly waits for Hawk to get online every time. He _does_ find his giddiness ridiculous, but decides to indulge himself anyway. It has been a long time since he’s talked to someone on a regular basis, he’s not even sure if he likes Hawk or not, but the simple concept of spending time with someone is greatly satisfying.

They mostly spend time doing quests or clearing dungeons, and Hawk’s green speech bubbles pop up regularly with silly puns or snarky comments. Fenris never answers with more than one or two words but it feels nice nonetheless.

Hawk talks a lot. He tells stories about his friends, his siblings, and always provides all the context necessary. Fenris has noticed how he only tells the funny stories and never seems to talk about himself at all, but he isn’t one to complain. He learns that Hawk usually plays another really popular RPG with his friends, Fenris has heard a lot about this game but it isn’t free to play and he can never hope to afford it. When he tells Hawk as such, the sorcerer laughs and says money is the reason he’s stopped playing for a while and gravitated towards Dragon Age. He also complains a lot about most of his friends not following him and whines about how his brother is just copying him, as always.

By the end of the week, Fenris knows that his real name is Garrett Hawke – hence the nickname –, his brother’s name is Carver and he plays a berserker he named _Warden_ , his best friend is a dwarf who writes books – he recommended each and every one of them – his second best friend Aveline somehow managed to woo her now husband with copper marigolds and his sister Bethany once burned herself with pasta and sports a scar on her upper lip to prove it.

Fenris wakes up around noon as usual and eats his breakfast, letting the dishes pile up in his sink without a care in the world. He’ll wash them when he runs out of cutlery. He wonders for a brief moment what it would be like to have a friend over, and surveys the mess around him in a critical eye. Then he shrugs and walks to his laptop, it isn’t like he’ll ever invite anyone here anyway.

He starts up Dragon Age, knowing Hawk will probably not be online. He usually appears around three o’clock, sometimes four, but Fenris has been trying to loot the staff Hawk has been looking for to repay him. And also maybe because he wants to be extra friendly to make up for his short replies and apparent coldness. He doesn’t quite want to admit it to himself, but he is a little scared the sorcerer will get bored of him.

He spawns in Sundermount, the last place he and Hawk have visited, and is surprised to find that his friend is online, running around to collect herbs. He starts typing a greeting.

_[Ghost] ( Hawke )_

Fenris grimaces a little. Too formal maybe? And he added the ‘e’ at the end too, addressing him by his name. He should have just settled for a basic “Hi”.

_[Hawk] ( Oh, hello. )_

Fenris frowns, as Hawk’s bubble appears white instead of green.

_[Hawk] ( Oh wait, this is general chat. )_

_[Hawk] ( Well that’s embarrassing. )_

Fenris start typing a slightly mocking retort, but then Hawk start talking again and his bubble is green this time.

_[Hawk] ( Okay, did I get it right? )_

_[Hawk] ( Gosh, the commands are not instinctive at all. )_

He stops and deletes his sentence, a little unsure of what is going on. He has only known the guy for a week, but this doesn’t sound like Hawk much.

_[Hawk] ( Sorry about that. Hello again. )_

_[Hawk] ( Not Hawk sorry, but nice to meet you! )_

Fenris stays frozen for a bit, wondering how he should answer that. This was probably one of Hawk’s friends, or maybe even his brother or his sister.

_[Ghost] ( Hello )_

This isn’t the friendliest he could have been, but well.

_[Hawk] ( Haha, wow… Garrett wasn’t kidding when he said you typed slowly. )_

Okay, Fenris doesn’t really like this friend already.

_[Ghost] ( I’m not that bad )_

_[Hawk] ( Sure! It only takes you one full minute to type five letters. :p )_

He frowns and flexes his fingers over his keyboard, contemplating his answer. It didn’t take him one _full_ minute, thank you very much. This guy is a bit of a dick, probably Carver, Fenris decides.

_[Ghost] ( Why are you using Hawk’s account? )_

_[Hawk] ( I’m Anders by the way. )_

Both of their message pop up at the same time, and Fenris watches as Hawk’s bubble disappears quickly to be replaced by another.

_[Hawk] ( He’s in class. )_

_[Hawk] ( I’m not and I got bored. )_

_[Hawk]_ _( He’s been complaining about needing elfroot or something, so I thought I’d do him a favour. )_

Hawk has never mentioned an ‘Anders’ in his stories, but Fenris doesn’t really want to ask. He takes his time on purpose as he types out a simple “Okay”. He leaves the guy alone and heads for the docks, feeling almost guilty about his coldness. Almost.

He clears the dock’s dungeon for the third time, and still doesn’t loot the staff. For a moment he forgets why he’s doing this, and thinks of Anders. A staff is a way better gift than some elfroot. He almost feels competitive, and groans. He hates feeling possessive, he hates it to his very core and banishes the ridiculous thought to the depths of his mind. What is wrong with a friend of Hawk using his account to do him a favour? Nothing, that is. That is just a nice and natural thing to do. And maybe obsessively farming for a staff is the creepy and unnatural thing to do. Hawk isn’t even really his friend.

He’s in the middle of his fourth run when he decides he’ll stop trying to get the stupid staff. And what do you know, when he goes to loot the boss’ corpse, the staff is there.

Fenris groans and presses the heel of his palms to his eyes. Now he can’t pretend nothing happened, he has to give the staff to Hawk. What will he say? He got it by accident? He gave the docks’ dungeon a try for the heck of it and got lucky? He doesn’t like giving up so he obsessively farmed for it?

He checks the clock on his bedside, reading a quarter past three. He wonders if Hawk is back yet. His sorcerer is still online, _Sundermount_ written under ‘location’.

Fenris doesn’t think twice and clicks on his map to quick travel there. He spawns in the middle of the dalish clearing, looks at his minimap and follows the green arrow indicating his friend’s location. He finds the sorcerer throwing fireballs at giant spiders, half his health gone and running from them in the time he wasn’t casting. Fenris makes his berserker run up to him and slice at the spiders, casting Taunt to turn their attention away from the squishy sorcerer behind him.

_[Hawk] ( lol hi white knight! )_

Well that sounds a lot more like Hawk. Fenris doesn’t answer and focuses instead on finishing the spiders off, before he takes his time to write back.

_[Ghost] ( Hi )_

_[Hawk] ( What’s up? )_

Fenris ignores him and asks for a trade. Hawk declines, and Fenris frowns.

_[Hawk] ( lol )_

Was that a jab at how they first met? Fenris smirks and starts typing.

_[Ghost] ( accept the trade I really want to get rid of this staff I just looted )_

_[Hawk] ( sounds familiar )_

_[Hawk] ( you got a greedy brother too? )_

Fenris is too lazy to write back and just sends another trade request.

_[Hawk] ( hmmm I don’t know, I think I’m just going to let the request run out )_

Hawk’s speech bubble is still visible under the request window, and the sorcerer adds:

_[Hawk] ( Going to take my sweet sweet time )_

And true to his words, the request runs out. Fenris shakes his head and starts typing.

_[Ghost] ( it’s a thank you for the blade )_

_[Hawk] ( Aww )_

_[Ghost] ( but if you don’t want it I can go to general chat and give it to the first sorcerer I see )_

_[Hawk] ( Sorry I can’t pass up the opportunity to poke fun at you )_

_[Hawk] ( I want the staff! :D )_

Fenris hesitates, a ghost of a smile on his lips, and then writes:

_[Ghost] ( where’s the sweet politeness? )_

_[Hawk] ( plz plz plz im rly polite 2!!! )_

He can’t help the curt laugh that escapes his lips at that.

_[Hawk] ( I giv u 100000 coins plz plz plz!!!! )_

_[Ghost] ( haha )_

He sends Hawk another trade request, and this time the sorcerer accepts. Fenris adds the staff and watches in bewilderment as Hawk adds exactly 1678 coins. He waits for the sorcerer to remove his coins from the exchange but nothing happens. He doesn’t lock the trade and instead starts writing.

_[Ghost] ( remove coins )_

_[Hawk] ( I DID promise you coins ;) )_

_[Hawk] ( it’s not 100000 but it’s all I have )_

_[Ghost] ( Hawke remove the coins )_

_[Hawk] ( lol relax I’m just kidding )_

And just like that Hawk removes his coins from the trade and Fenris locks it.

_Hawk accepted your trade. (Traded: item: 1x Eye of the Storm for item: none)_

_[Hawk] ( there we go, we are now even )_

_[Hawk] ( relieved? lol )_

Fenris stares at the screen for a little while, unsure of what to answer and displeased at the idea that Hawk has somehow caught onto his discomfort. It’s true he hates people doing him favours, always painfully aware of the threat it poses to owe someone something. For the past three years, he’s been trying to ease up on the wariness but it sticks to him like glue.

Fenris frowns as he realizes that Hawk has just tested him. So many random players spontaneously ask for trades, taking advantage of the lousy trade system to trick new players into giving up their coins. He could have removed the staff at the very last moment and Hawk would have traded his coins for nothing. What was even the point of that?

_[Ghost] ( did you think I’d take your money? )_

_[Hawk] ( what? lol no )_

_[Hawk] ( I told you: can’t pass up the opportunity to poke fun at you :p )_

_[Ghost] ( fun? )_

_[Hawk] ( I know you’ve never heard of the word before but I swear it’s in the dictionary )_

Fenris groans at the sorcerer’s ability to derail the subject with a well-placed joke. How annoying.

_[Ghost] ( where’s the fun in giving up all your coins to a stranger? )_

_[Hawk] ( you’re no stranger, you’re the super polite slow typer )_

_[Hawk] ( of course you wouldn’t take my coins, pretty sure it’s not in your code of honour )_

What, so Hawk _trusts_ him? Fenris snorts.

_[Ghost] ( you’re naive actually )_

_[Hawk] ( hahahahaha! )_

_[Hawk] ( no, just a really good judge of character ;) )_

Fenris can’t really deny that. Although he doesn’t want to agree either. He decides to change the subject.

_[Ghost] ( so who is Anders? )_

_[Hawk] ( oh, lol he didn’t tell you? )_

_[Hawk] ( surprising… )_

_[Hawk] ( he’s my elfroot gathering slave )_

The sorcerer takes off and goes to collect the aforementioned elfroot. Fenris frowns, watching him at the edge of his screen and gathers his hands together above his keyboard. Another joke, surely.

_[Ghost] ( one of your friends? )_

_[Hawk] ( you could say that )_

It is weird, how guarded Hawk is all of a sudden. Fenris starts imagining all sorts of things and none of them are pleasant. He remembers times of his life when he’s been guarded like that, when he didn’t dare speak of the people present in his life, of what happened behind closed doors. His throat is a little dry as he writes:

_[Ghost] ( what do you mean? )_

And he feels his heart throb painfully, waiting for the reply.

_[Hawk] ( ugh… you’re really gonna make me say it huh? )_

_[Hawk] ( fine, he’s my bf )_

Fenris blinks and the discomfort still doesn’t leave him.

_[Hawk] ( I know I know, nothing to be ashamed of etc )_

Ashamed of what...?

_[Hawk] ( but shame clings to me like a disease ok? )_

Fenris’ fingers are shaking as he sets them urgently on the keyboard.

_[Hawk] ( Anders counter balances by literally telling everyone around us )_

Telling everyone what? Fenris licks his lips and tries to focus his eyes but can’t seem to make sense of the letters in front of him.

What exactly is it, that’s being unsaid here?

_[Hawk] ( I’m honestly surprised he didn’t introduce himself like )_

_[Hawk] ( “Hi I’m Anders I’m Garrett’s boyfriend” )_

A show of dominance, claiming him as his _possession_.

_[Hawk] ( cause that’s usually what he does )_

_[Hawk] ( it would be annoying if it wasn’t so thoughtful and nice )_

It takes Fenris a moment to calm down and understand Hawk is talking about his sexual orientation and not some hypothetical abuse. He opens the chat window to reread Hawk’s lines, but all he manages to catch is a feeling of shame, _sticking_ to him like a disease, his supposed boyfriend usually introducing himself with something that sounds suspiciously like “he’s mine” and –

Fenris locks his eyes on his screen, on Hawk’s last green bubble that still hovers over his character before fading into nothingness. He tries to register that he described Anders as “thoughtful and nice”.

This is ridiculous, he _knows_ it’s ridiculous, it has happened before; he’s misunderstood situations before because his world view is forever tainted but... He needs to make sure. So he stills his hands, and writes.

_[Ghost] ( you’re ashamed of being with another man? )_

_[Hawk] ( lol geez )_

_[Hawk] ( dense, aren’t you? )_

Deflecting.

Fenris tries really hard to ignore all of the alarm bells ringing in his ears. That is not an answer. He clenches his teeth and start typing angrily, his fingers hitting his keys and filling the room with snappy sounds.

_[Ghost] ( please confirm this is what you are talking about )_

_[Hawk] ( lol what )_

_[Hawk] ( what else could you possibly get from what I said? )_

Fenris freezes with his hands hovering over his keys. Okay, he needs to think about how he’s coming across right now. Calm down, breathe deep. Hawk probably isn’t in a horribly abusive relationship. Just insecure about his sexual orientation. This _has_ to be it. It’s way simpler, way more probable. He said Anders was thoughtful and nice.

Fenris sighs in frustration and racks his hands through his hair. What should he say now?

Hawke’s sorcerer stands idly where he’s gathered the elfroot and hasn’t moved since.

_[Ghost] ( Sorry )_

_[Hawk] ( enlighten me please? )_

Fenris sighs again, letting his head fall back against the wall and staring at the ceiling for a minute. What could he even say? Where to begin? What if he didn’t want to talk about it at all? But…

This is the first person he’s talked to in years. _Really_ talked to. And the guy has just trusted him with what looked like a painful admission. What if he could relax for once, and just tell the truth? And it isn’t like they know each other. This is just a random person he’ll likely never meet.

_[Ghost] ( seeing the word “boyfriend” associated with any sort of negative feeling tends to make me feel very paranoid )_

There. That was surprisingly easy.

_[Hawk] ( lol no need to worry then, Anders is great )_

_[Ghost] ( lots of men can’t be trusted )_

_[Hawk] ( geez you’re such a dad )_

_[Hawk] ( if mine was still alive I’m pretty sure that’s what he would’ve told Bethany )_

_[Hawk] ( wait you ARE a man aren’t you? )_

Fenris stares at his screen feeling a weird sort of giddy disbelief at their exchange. Hawk doesn’t turn this into a big deal, treats his admission like a completely normal thing to say and called him a _dad,_ of all things. He could almost laugh at the weirdness of it all.

_[Ghost] ( yeah, but I’m not a dad )_

_[Hawk] ( could’ve fooled me )_

Fenris hesitates for a second, growing a little more certain Hawk is clearly mistaken about his age. He still doesn’t want him to believe he’s an old man, even though the sorcerer paints this very polite and fatherly image of him. If he were an old man, what would he be doing on some random free online game, getting all chummy with the younger generation? This isn’t the kind of old man he wants anyone to believe he is.

_[Ghost] ( just how old do you think I am? )_

_[Hawk] ( is that a trick question? )_

_[Hawk] ( lol now I’m afraid I’ll offend you )_

_[Hawk] ( I’ll just say: definitely older than me )_

_[Ghost] ( okay, how old are you then? )_

_[Hawk] ( 24 :p )_

Damn, he _i_ _s_ older than Hawk.

_[Ghost] ( I’m 27 )_

_[Hawk] ( ah )_

_[Hawk] ( well I wasn’t wrong ;) )_

_[Ghost] ( you expected older )_

_[Hawk] ( I said older than me :D )_

_[Ghost] ( well I just wanted you to know I’m not a creepy old man )_

_[Hawk] ( I never thought you were )_

Fenris wants to call him naive again, but feels like now that Hawk knows his age, he’ll start putting the pieces together and figure out things he’s not sure he wants him to figure out. He’s grateful the sorcerer isn’t making any comment about his typing, even though he clearly didn’t expect a twenty-seven year old to type this slowly.

_[Hawk] ( and 27 is a good age to become a dad ;) )_

Fenris snorts. If there is one thing he has _never_ imagined himself as, it’s a dad. And with how much of his life has been wasted, he feels somehow younger than his age. It’s hard to imagine that at his age, other people have their life sorted out. A diploma, a nice job, a family…

Meanwhile, he’s making ends meet the best he can and doesn’t interact with anyone other than Anso and one Garrett Hawke whom he doesn’t even know. It’s difficult to imagine how things could change, but it is sheer power of will that has carried him where he is now and that still makes him hope for a better future.

_[Ghost] ( we’ll see, I suppose )_

_[Hawk] ( nice! )_

_[Hawk] ( if you have a son, name him Garrett in honour of the man who suggested his existence )_

And Fenris can’t help it, he laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> And now there's no turning back
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I grew a bit disatisfied with some things, especially the pacing, and so I had to edit a lot of what I'd already written :'D  
> Here is chapter 3, a bit short but chapter 4 & 5 are kinda huge in comparison so they'll more than make up for it I think haha

Fenris develops a different routine after some time. He learns Hawke’s somewhat chaotic schedule and adapts to get online every time the other man will be available. It’s a little tricky at first, because Fenris’ own schedule is far from convenient, but he manages to find some sort of balance. 

Playing becomes a lot less fun without Hawke around, and Fenris finds himself being rapidly bored and logging off in disappointment the few times Hawke wasn’t online at his usual hour. 

He wonders if that should concern him, but ultimately cannot find it in himself to care.

He runs into Anders a few more times, each more awkward than the last to be completely honest; and even though Fenris is willing, they just can’t get along. 

It started with jabs at his typing speed, then Anders acting friendly in a way that just felt  _ condescending  _ somehow, like he was generously offering a hand to the poor, dirty rat he took Fenris for. That in turn activated Fenris’ latent passive-aggressive defences, and it just went downhill from there.

Not that they ever resorted to insulting each other, but Fenris came pretty damn close sometimes. 

Last time they attempted to have a conversation, Anders just went on a passionate rant to criticise the game and its microtransactions system. Fenris ignored half his speech just to write  _ why do you even play then _ , to which Anders replied  _ I don’t  _ and Fenris dropped the conversation altogether at this blatant refusal to acknowledge reality.

Randomly borrowing his boyfriend’s account twice a week counted as  _ not playing  _ apparently. 

So really, it’s not that Fenris doesn’t want to, he would have liked to get along with Hawke’s boyfriend, but he simply  _ cannot  _ stand this kind of people who only see what they want to see. Worse when they’re convinced they’re right about everything and go on rants to try to make you see the light or something, urgh–

Yeah.

Fenris can’t stand Anders.

Surprisingly, Hawke’s younger brother turns out to be a lot more manageable. A prick, yes, but easier to tolerate.

What mostly annoys Fenris is how much he _complains._ He sounds ridiculously young, with all the whining about his older brother. He’s blunt, sometimes a little too serious and competitive about the game, but still generally reliable. 

Fenris is tempted to give him the last extra Blade of Mercy he hasn’t sold yet, but when he suggests it to Hawke the man immediately begs him not to. Instead he says  _ sell it to him and overprice it  _ with a wink tackled on at the end and Fenris frowns, ultimately offering Carver the blade for a reasonable price, making Hawke privately complain to him about his ‘cursed code of honour’ or whatever. Carver still complains about having to pay for it anyway, and Hawke pounces on the opportunity to make fun of him and his ‘charming personality’.

Neither Fenris nor Hawke’s brother are very chatty people, so even though they’re on each other’s friend list, they don’t speak to each other unless Hawke is also there. Although after the blade episode, Carver sometimes addresses him directly without using Hawke as a middle man. Fenris cannot say it is anything but very tentative and awkward and verging on insulting sometimes, but he’ll take it anyway.

But then Hawke makes a mocking retort about Carver ‘finally making friends’ and inadvertently crushes all possibilities of Fenris and Carver ever becoming friends when his younger brother inevitably closes up in an attempt to shield his pride.

Fenris watches it unfold in a detached way, almost thinking he saw it coming. 

It’s so obvious Carver is young.

Sometimes he wants to tell Hawke to cut him some slack, but then he stops and tells himself it really isn’t any of his business.

What does he know about how to handle younger siblings anyway? Fenris is far from being a shining example. 

But sometimes Hawke and his younger brother do have little moments, when they cooperate and give each other figurative pats on the back. They probably wouldn’t even play together if they didn’t appreciate the other’s company at least a little. It makes Fenris think.

He doesn’t have any means to contact his family but some day, he thinks, he’ll figure it out. If not reconciliation, he’d at least like to have a proper goodbye. Something final and clean, so he’d know where they stand.

He sighs and gets up from his bed.

Night’s fallen, and he has to get ready for work. 

Being a bouncer and spending all night playing guard dog is far from engaging, but at least it pays well. It helps build up his tolerance for assholes and just generally annoying people too. 

Tonight a drunk girl goes to him to start a one-sided conversation that doesn’t make any sense, and doesn’t leave until her friends come to drag her away.

After a year spent working here, this kind of thing doesn’t even faze him anymore. One of his best anecdote is when a big fight broke out in the club and they had to call the police. Out of all the culprits, three had weed on them and an officer confiscated it, only to offer to share it with Fenris later as ‘a reward’ and ‘a consolation’ for all the hits they took. Fenris refused out of wariness, suspicious it could be a trap; and so he watched an officer get high while on duty instead.

It made his faith in humanity plummet a little deeper into the abyss.

It took another dive down when another officer showed up, met Fenris’ eyes and pretended not to understand the situation, even with the strong scent wafting in the air.

Said officer is the one assigned to patrol the neighbourhood Fenris works in, sometimes he nods his head in quick greeting when his car passes by. Fenris wonders how much of his supposed politeness is caused by his fear of Fenris ever reporting what he saw to his superiors.

Although frankly, it’s not like he cares what policemen smoke. It’s the hypocrisy that makes him sick.

People who hold power, thinking they’re over the laws they force onto others. Just goes to show they should never be trusted in the first place.

The next day, Fenris logs into  _ Dragon Age  _ even though he knows Hawke won’t be online. 

Carver is there, and Fenris decides to make an effort, for once, and greets him. Carver greets him back, and they both carry on with their business in silence, until the younger speaks again thirty minutes later.

_ [Warden] ( i don’t understand how you’re friends with garrett ) _

Fenris stares at the private message with raised eyebrows. He’s tempted to answer truthfully, and say ‘me neither’ but the underlying insult cannot stay unaddressed.

_ [Ghost] ( I don’t understand how he puts up with you ) _

_ [Warden] ( no i mean ) _

_ [Warden] ( nevermind ) _

Fenris frowns, and starts typing another message to get to the bottom of this. As usual, it takes him way too long and Carver badly interprets his silence and suddenly starts flooding the chatting window.

_ [Warden] ( he keeps saying i have a bad personality but so do you ) _

_ [Warden] ( he never tells YOU anything though ) _

_ [Warden] ( i don’t want to insult you but everything he says to me should apply to you too ) _

_ [Warden] ( but since you’re his friend and not his brother you don’t get it ) _

Fenris ignores it all, hits enter when he’s finally done.

_ [Ghost] ( Say what you want to say, complain all you want, it won’t change anything ) _

_ [Warden] ( i know ) _

_ [Warden] ( garrett doesn’t like people with “bad personality” is all i’m saying ) _

_ [Warden] ( don’t be surprised if he ditches you eventually ) _

_ [Ghost] ( How nice of you ) _

_ [Warden] ( look i mean it ) _

_ [Warden] ( he’s a heartbreaker ) _

_ [Warden] ( in general i mean ) _

Fenris wonders why Carver’s words seem so hollow. He’s usually paranoid, jumps at every opportunity to doubt people, and yet… He has so many more reasons to believe Hawke is genuine and Carver is jealous. Hawke doesn’t strike him as a liar, or someone who’ll fake friendship just to please others.

It doesn’t help that Carver has been nothing but an insufferable brat the whole time they’ve known each other.

_ [Ghost] ( I think Anders missed the memo ) _

_ [Warden] ( i said heartbreaker in general…… ) _

_ [Warden] ( i guess anders is a special case or whatever ) _

_ [Warden] ( he’s the only one garrett won’t ever ditch even though he’s as bad as you & me ) _

_ [Warden] ( but whatever ) _

_ [Warden] ( don’t get your hopes up i’m just saying ) _

Fenris is really tempted to ask just what Hawke did to break his brother’s heart and how exactly he is ‘ditching’ him.

Because there is no way Carver is talking about anything other than himself here.

Saying so would make him close up like an oyster though. Fenris just puts an end to the conversation by adding a flat ‘okay’.

He keeps thinking about it when he leaves for work that night.


End file.
